Ok, so I lied. Turns out I had one more Potter post in me in addition to the second part of the Film Series Retrospective. But, this one only emerged as the result of a late night epiphany. I often have these moments of incredible lucidity that reveal universal truths; this time, it is a truth about Harry Potter. And oh boy, is it a juicy one.
Second To Last Potter Post
The spark that inspired this epiphany was a comedy video. This one, in fact. Specifically, the final dream that Harry mentions.
Dumbledore, in the dream, tells Harry that he is in a mental institution and is imagining everything that is happening. This wild imagination is a cover, a way to cope with the guilt of watching his wife die. But wait! Harry – at least the PPP version – isn’t married. How could he have watched his wife die? This is where my mind started to click.
Ladies and gentlemen, I propose to you this simple truth: Harry Potter died that Halloween. James and Lily Potter were not killed by Voldemort that night. Instead, they were tortured into insanity until they were unable to defend young Harry, at which point he was murdered by Voldemort. As Lily did not die, Harry was defenseless, and died.
But Voldemort was not content. He began to hear whispers of another child that the prophecy could refer to, a child that the Order was clinging hope to – Neville Longbottom. So Voldemort finds the location of the Longbottom residence, and kills Frank and Alice. He tries to murder Neville, but meets the same end that he met at the Potters’ – his curse rebounds due to the power of the charm Alice’s death placed on Neville, and Voldemort is sent into hiding.
The entire series is the insane imaginings of James Potter. After all, “Harry” is exactly like James. “Harry” has an instant bond with Sirius. “Harry” has an uncanny knack for getting in trouble. “Harry” had an awful lot of crucial wizarding history revolving around him.
Harry Potter did not exist.
Instead, Neville Longbottom was the Chosen One. Neville Longbottom was raised in a wizarding home, all the while fully aware of what he meant to the world. Neville Longbottom was not an exceptional wizard – he was rather normal, in fact. Neville was not a brilliant Seeker, Neville was not exceptionally gifted at incredibly advanced magic by the age of thirteen, Neville was not saved by every single freaking machination of the gods. Because all of those exceptional qualities were the insane dreams of a proud parent who would never know his child.
THIS is why Harry is such a terrible character. THIS is why he is perfectly able to do nearly impossible tasks, and why he gets saved every single time at the last minute by people greater than him. Because James’ mind, even in its insane state, cannot take the death of his child, which he is responsible for.
Harry Potter is nothing more than the invention of James Potter’s unfulfilled ambition for his son.
And now, my friends, your childhood is over.