The Dreaded G Rating

If I should ever make a movie that gets a theatrical release, I will throw three completely random F-bombs into the mix just to ensure that the film gets an R rating. Why? So people who come to see my movie do not have to deal with screaming, whining kids and the parents who are stupid enough to keep bringing them back into the theater.

As you can probably guess, I saw The Lion King in theaters today. I didn’t see the 3D version (because I refuse to support the format) but I did see a spectacular digital projection – the film has never looked as good as it does now. Shadows are perfectly soft – just enough sharpness to stand out but not enough to look unnatural. Particle effects are similarly perfect, adding a layer of softness to the entire film without sacrificing sharpness of character animation. And of course the colors are just as vibrant and beautiful. This is a film that will sell many Blu-ray players, I am confident.
I see no sense in giving a long, detailed review of the film. Everybody who would read this has seen it (and if not, you do not deserve to be reading this) and formed their opinions on it long ago, and I sincerely hope that those opinions are good ones, because this film above all others is perhaps the crowning jewel of the Disney Renaissance. The only films that even come close are Beauty and the Beast and The Hunchback of Notre Dame (the latter of which is far too underrated). Music, visuals and poignancy are all present in their highest form.
But the real reason I am writing this is to complain – why else – about the kids. Yes, you might say, it is a “kid’s movie” (and though I despise that moniker that is a post for another day), so kids are going to be there and do kid things. I don’t necessarily blame the kids – though I’m not fans of them – but rather their parents. Why exactly do they think it is a good idea to bring a screaming child into a movie? And from there, you get two types of parents – the parents who honestly do not care and will let their child scream incessantly, and then the parents who do care and will take them out of the theater to calm them down. What baffles me is not the former kind – because let’s face it, people are jerks – but the second kind, and specifically the ones who bring the screaming kids back into the theater. What is WRONG with them? The kid was screaming – and still is – so why do you bring him BACK?
Rage was had, and made me realize why I much prefer watching movies at home than in theaters.

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